Why do we feel fat when fat isn’t a feeling? The mental battle with the constant desire to be thin!
I felt happy today when the mirror showed me something I liked. I felt thin. I felt good about myself. I smiled, I put on my favourite pair of trousers and I was booming with confidence. I had an amazing day and I spoke to everyone I met, I was on a high.
I felt fat today, the mirror made me look squidgy, it showed all my flaws. Every lump, every bump, every dimple, every line, every thing I hate about myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I tried to cover up as much as I could. A big baggy jumper, thick black tights, a cardigan…. layer after layer, anything to cover my shame. But it didn't work, all I could see was my tummy, my wide hips, my big arms, my big dark circles under my eyes and my sad, sad face. I felt like everyone was talking about me, I had anxiety and I had an awful day, I wished the ground would swallow me whole. I felt awful.
I felt okay today, nor fat nor thin. Today I felt no shame. I wore a normal top and some normal jeans and I got on with my day. Then I caught a glimpse of myself at lunch and it all came flooding back….. Why do my hips stick out? Why do I have such a round face? Why are my teeth not perfectly white? Why am I not thinner? Why am I so fat? Why are my arms like this? Why am I this shape? WHY, WHY, WHY? Why don’t I look like her, Why can’t I be her? Why do I feel like this?
LIFE IS SO UNFAIR!
Here is my question to that girl in the mirror.
What is thin?
What number is skinny?
Will it bring you happiness?
Why is thinness a priority over your sanity?
Why do you chase a non definitive number on the scale?
Will you actually be happy at that magical number?
We ALL need to start showing ourselves a little self respect and stop hating on ourselves and each other. You are not fat, fat does not define you!
YES we all have body fat but the good old saying is that we also all have finger nails but you are not a fingernail just like you are not fat!
Quiz - For the rest of the week try to say 3 positive things about your body every morning and try and start the day off on a positive note! Ignore the negative!
Emotions have nothing to do with our body shape but we let it define us, there are people who have larger bodies and are happy, and there are people who are thin and miserable. You find what works for you, what makes you happy, and strive to be that happy, healthy, confident person you know deep down you can!